Original air date: March 31, 2009
Challenge: Party for blind men
Challenge winner: Julin
Bottom three: Ana, Reena, Jillian
Eliminated: Jillian
We start off meeting the girls who think they are going to be on a reality show that celebrates their outer beauty. Caridee calls them “entitled creatures” in the voiceover. I’m not exactly sure what that means. We’re introduced to the judges and see the opening montage, now it’s time to meet the lovely ladies!
Amber says she’s selfish, lazy and from San Diego. She seems fairly self aware and unapologetic about it. Katie tells us she’s not a dumb blonde from LA. Qui is a 10 out of 10. Sarah R is bratty spoiled bitch. Reena tells us how a nice older man bought her a purse and she thinks spending money is an only way an older man can woo a younger woman. She calls herself rude and curt. Sarah C. looooooves money. She tells us she’s super competitive but is deceiving. Jillian became a bitch because being a diva got her things. Everything that is awesome about her is on display. Ana is confrontational. She brings her puppy to the house. Who brings their puppy to a reality show house? (Note: Talita on Running in Heels did. Maybe it’s a new thing. Could Cycle 13 have ANTM’s first pooch?) Julin is a Texan princess. Jillian tells us that Vanessa has tons of fake crap and Ana calls her a hooker.
After bonding, Caridee makes a dramatic entrance. The girls are impressed by Caridee and her ANTM fame, which is kind of funny. If she actually succeeded as a top model, would she really be hosting a D-list reality show?
Caridee reveals the secret twist and automatically the show becomes lamer than True Beauty. At least True Beauty kept the surprise twist a secret! And it had Nole Martin! Yes, he was a muted version of himself who essentially became Vanessa Minnillo’s bitch, but he’s probably better than any of the judges on this show. But we have seen panel yet, so maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.
I’m glad the house has a giant wet bar. Because alcohol always results in less drama.
In the morning, the girls realize there are no mirrors in the house and this causes far more tension than it should. Caridee comes by to tell them they have to view themselves through other people’s eyes. She also tells them they are going to host a party for ten young men and the men are going to rate the girls’ first impressions.
Ana decides she wants to be the planner. Planning the part results in awkward conversations about fruit arrangements, which I think sre designed to show us how “wicked” Ana is. Jillian is having none of it. As of right now, Jillian is my favorite.
Some girls went out and got a piñata. Because this party is an eight-year-old’s birthday.
The lack of mirror causes more drama. Ana’s self-proclaimed awesomeness causes more drama. Candles cause drama. Then, it’s time for the party!
The boys arrive and everyone is seriously confused by all the dogs. Then one girl figures it out “oh, they’re blind.” Way to show enthusiasm! I feel bad for these guys and wonder just how the producers coerced them into being on the show.
At the party, some girls show class and some girls were just awful. The piñata sequence is far more hilarious than it should have been and created a bonding opportunity for all the party goers.
The party goes over better than I expected. I need to be less harsh on this show. Caridee comes by in a colorblock dress that shows us how much weight she’s gained since ANTM. I’m sorry, but it’s true. The boys discuss the girls’ first impressions and decide who should be the winner of the challenge. After some jokes about counting raised hands, the boys decide that Julin should be the winner. They also reveal who they thought has the worst first impression and the boys say it was Ana. She spent the whole party on the deck with one guy and made no effort to meet anyone else.
Caridee tells the girls she will see them at the reckoning ceremony (the what?!) for elimination. Caridee reveals the burn box to the girls and tells them none of the other girls or the judges will see what they say in there. Well, except for all of America when this show airs, But that’s beside the point.
Ana makes up some drama about animal harassment and one of the guys at the party. Was this shown? Did I miss something?
At panel, the judges question a lot of what the girls have said in the house so far and why they think they were chosen to be on the show. The judges, especially the psychotherapist break down and analyze a lot of what the girls did in the house. I think this panel could get really intense. I expect lots of crying in the future. When the judges ask if anyone thinks they shouldn’t be here and Jillian completely questions the point of the show and why she was selected to be on it. I really don’t blame her, as all these girls were tricked. I think a lot of the other girls feel the same as Jillian, but are probably more into the fame aspect of reality television than the purpose of the show.
After the judges deliberate, Reena, Jillian and Ana are called to the front. They are the bottom three. The judges ask each of the girls why they should stay. Jillian gets sent home because she’s the most defensive and probably won’t provide as much house drama as Ana will.
“You’ve been burned” is the best reality show elimination line ever.
Conclusion: this show is as awesomely bad as I expected. I’m so excited for next week!
by Erin Balser on April 10th, 2009
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